What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 05:36
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why did i forgive my father ?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Would this be the day?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why did my ex move on so quickly?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What one thing makes someone a very mature person?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was very sick at this time too.
What misfortune led to an important discovery?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why don't some people like the 10 Commandments?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She found it foreign!.
Is it true that all men want a woman who looks like an Instagram “model”?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Are Turks ashamed of their Islamic heritage?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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I was scared of men, in general
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Was to survive, this bastard.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was in good health!
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I waited trembling.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One cannot live in the past .
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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
How do I convince my husband that a threesome is okay?
She loved him until the end.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What is the reason for the high rate of unmarried individuals in America, particularly among males?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ive learnt so much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I don,t even have a pension.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I said to her
Put me off passion for life!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He knew the spot.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She married twice! .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
When she asked me how she looked .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was seconnd youngest,
I will be 64.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were not on the streets..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So whats the point in blame.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But ive been too sick for many years..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I think the readers, may guess!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She wouldn,t have been !
It was going to be , some day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My family never makes their pension either.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What did i know ?
As i do to all so called friends.?
But, we were locked up after school.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So, i spoilt her more .
Who then, do I blame.?
This is soul school!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But it wasn’t much.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We all went to grammer schools
Im still living with it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
All the time i was locked up.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And i lived it daily.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was 9 years of age.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I write beautiful poetry .
My life is so biszare .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I have no regrets .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.